I Just Smile
by YamiBaki
Summary: Izaya Orihara x Male!Reader. Being in love with a man like Izaya will only bring heartache. Maybe everyone already knew about it, I mean, Shinra did. Celty almost tripped over herself when she had found out, denying that it could be possible. Dotachin knew, and so did Walter, Erica, Simon, Tom and so on. (Y/n) knew it too, he knew it from the very beginning.


Watching him from a distance was painful, especially when (y/n) knew what his true intentions were.

Izaya Orihara was in love with Shizuo Heiwajima.

Maybe everyone already knew about it, I mean, Shinra did. Celty almost tripped over herself when she had found out, denying that it could be possible, until Shinra proved to her that it was. Dotachin knew, and so did Walter, Erica, Simon, Tom and so on. (Y/n) knew it too, he knew it from the very beginning.

And yet...

He still fell in love with the insane info broker, allowing the raven haired male to use him as he pleased. During the night when the two made love, Izaya would mumble Shizuo's name, but (y/n) would pretend he didn't hear it. When they went out on dates, Izaya would purposely ditch him just to look for Shizuo, and when he did spot the blond, he'd rail him up just to have his full attention. Even with things such as that and more, (y/n) would endure it all. He took the pain he felt, even the teasing and bullying he received from the sadistic male without allowing his smile to filter one bit. Namie, who knew of Izaya's love for Shizuo, as well as his relationship with (y/n), had often tried to convince the teen to leave. "You can do so much better," she would say, placing a cup of coffee before him as he waited for Izaya to return. "He's an obnoxious and narcissistic little man, you don't need that sort of person in your life." Of course, (y/n) knew all there was to know about Izaya, and even with all that info, he stayed by the info broker's side. With a smile, (y/n) would turn to Namie and shrug his shoulders. "What can I say Namie San," he began, before turning to glance down at his hands with a saddened expression, clenching his hands into fists, his smile still in place.

"I just love Izaya too much..."

It was a shock to not only himself, but his best friends Mikado and Kida, when they had found out about his feelings for the sadistic raven haired male. "He'll only break your heart into a million little pieces!" Kida would roar, shaking (y/n) as he gritted his teeth. "Why him?! Out of every living human being on this earth, you fall for Izaya Orihara!" Mikado had tried to calm his blond friend down, watching as he clenched his head in annoyance. "He's right you know, (y/n) San." Mikado would begin, turning to his friend with a slight frown. He had no problem with (y/n)'s sexual orientation, it was who his friend was attracted to that concerned him. Watching the apologetic smile that graced the (h/c) haired male's lips, Mikado heaved a sigh, before sending him a small smile in return. "Just... Please be careful... Alright?"

It was weird for him, to be in love with such an evil man. He was Izaya's complete opposite, not an evil bone in his body. But this only proved that the saying 'opposites attract' was true. When Izaya had heard about his attraction, the male had called him into his office. Namie had been away on an errand, and Izaya had no appointments until the next day, so it was just the two of them. (Y/n) had been uncomfortable, not used to being alone with his crush, who sat across from him. Izaya had leaned back against his couch, one arm over it as his other hung lazily across his legs, which were crossed. He knew he looked good, and he was amused by the shy look in (y/n)'s eyes. He enjoyed every second he made the young teen uncomfortable, making himself look sexier as well as sending the other a smirk. "I heard a rumour about you (y/n)," he began, his eyes examining the younger male's form before him before continuing. "They say you're attracted to men... Me in particular." (Y/n) had been too embarrassed to say much, squeezing his eyes shut and wishing the ground would swallow him whole. Izaya let out a small chuckle, before sitting up straight. "I don't mind, you are a very interesting human." (Y/n) had snapped his eyes open, widening them in shock, before lifting his head to meet with Izaya's gaze. The info broker's smirk grew, as he continued to tease the teen. "I don't mind dating you, since I'm not seeing anyone, and I know for a fact that you're also single yourself." Without waiting for a reply, Izaya pushed himself off of the couch and leaned in close to (y/n)'s face, enjoying the blush that coated the teen's cheeks, as he held his breath. "You seem like my type, and you aren't too bad looking. You're very pretty up close, my precious human." He purred, before leaning in and capturing (y/n)'s lips. That night (y/n) had his three firsts. His first kiss, his first boyfriend...

And his first time.

Things didn't change much for him and Izaya after that though. (Y/n) would sometimes spend the night with the info broker and help him with his work, often telling him what he would hear at school or on the streets, and even helping the raven haired male relieve some pent up stress. Other than spending time with him and sleeping with him, there wasn't anything special about their relationship. Sure Izaya would kiss him and the two would have a heavy make-out session from time to time, but that was only when the raven haired info broker had bumped into Shizuo out on the streets, or had gotten the blond into some sort of trouble.

(Y/n) didn't think too much of it, and always gave Izaya his love and attention, so much that it appeared as though he were worshipping the sadistic man. No doubt he loved it, and would encourage (y/n) to continue his praise. But one day, the young teen couldn't handle what Izaya had said.

After a night of heated passion, the two collapsed and had immediately fallen asleep upon Izaya's bed. (Y/n) had woken up to the sound of Namie making breakfast downstairs and the bright rays of the sun peeking in through the bedroom window. Izaya had yet to wake up, sleeping far off to the edge of the bed and away from (y/n), like normal. With a small smile, the (h/c) haired teen gazed at his lover's back, watching as he slept peacefully. Izaya may not hold onto him as he wished he would, but (y/n) wouldn't complain, he was content with just being by the sadistic man's side no matter how painful it can be. Izaya began to stir in his sleep, but he did not wake up, as he turned his body to face (y/n). Leaning in slowly, the young teen couldn't help the rapid beating of his heart the closer he got to his boyfriend. "Shizuo..." Izaya mumbled, yet (y/n) thought nothing of it. Izaya would always mumble the blond's name, but he was so used to it that it no longer bothered him. As his lips neared the elder man's pale cheek, Izaya said the one thing that made (y/n)'s heart stop for a minute.

"I love you..."

The young teen's heart cracked at that very moment. Sure he had taken a lot of Izaya's troubles, but this had been the one that destroyed his feelings completely. (Y/n)'s glass heart had cracks from Izaya's previous tricks and antics, each one very tiny and only scratching the surface, as the young teen endured all the pain with a smile. But those three words, those three words that he had not even uttered to him, had been the final blow. The impact was so big, it caused all the other cracks to grow, as his heart finally shattered into a million pieces. Kida had been right, Izaya would only shatter his heart. (Y/n) leaned away from Izaya , and gazed down at him with eyes wide in shock.

He couldn't continue this, he couldn't take any more of Izaya's antics and hurtful ways. The (h/c) haired teen's eyes stung, as he whimpered softly. His whimper had caused the info broker to stir once more, before he went back to sleep. The teen's hand flew to his mouth, stopping any more whimpers and small noises from escaping, as a single tear escaped his eye. Without waiting another minute, (y/n) pulled the sheets off of him and stood. He picked up his discarded clothes and dressed himself at record speed, before rushing towards the door and pulling it open, closing it softly behind him before he ran down the stairs. Making it to the entrance of Izaya's apartment, he frantically began to put on his shoes, cursing under his breath when he couldn't get them on fast enough. At that moment, Namie walked into the room with a confused expression. (Y/n) was never one to curse, so something must have happened to him. "(Y/n)?" The young woman asked, her eyes widening at the sight of his glossed over eyes. The tears were now pouring out of him in a never-ending waterfall, as he sniffled once before trying to wipe away the tears. "N-Namie San," (y/n) stuttered, trying to stop his voice from cracking as he spoke with her. "S-sorry... I-I can't s-seem to make them s-stop." As he gave out a nervous laugh, Namie rushed to his side, her hands cupping his cheeks as she examined him. To her, (y/n) was her second little brother. No, she did not have any romantic feelings for him, but ever since she met him, she felt nothing but over-protectiveness when it came to him. "What did he do?" She asked softly, wiping away his tears as he hiccuped. She would have yelled and thrown a rage fit, flipping tables and smashing his many computers to bits, but she knew that at the moment, that was not what (y/n) needed. Waiting a few moments to calm himself down, (y/n) sniffled, before gazing deeply into Namie's eyes and sending her a small, broken smile. "You were right," he began with a whisper, leaning in to give the woman a hug. "He's an obnoxious and narcissistic little man... And I don't need that sort of person in my life."

After that whole ordeal, (y/n) had left, wanting to get away from the apartment before Izaya had the chance to wake up. (Y/n) had taken some time to himself, taking a leave from work and school, and leaving Ikebukuro for at least a month. He had kept in contact with Namie, since she was the only one he could trust at the moment that understood the situation completely. His parents had been worried, but had calmed down once he had told them that he had had a nervous breakdown and wanted some time to recover. It was the first time he's ever lied to them, and hopefully, it would be the last. Izaya didn't bother to look for him, he didn't care at all, and (y/n) knew he shouldn't be surprised at all. This was Izaya Orihara we're talking about, to him, (y/n) was nothing more than a stress reliever. Nothing more, nothing less. The break up with him had been simple, just like (y/n) knew the info broker hated. Izaya liked the complicated, emotional and overreacting sort of break ups, not the calm and collected kind. After receiving a text from the raven haired male for the first time in the three months that (y/n) had been vacationing in Hokaido, the teen broke it off officially with him. **"Where are you?"** Was what the message had read, and instead of sending a message back, he called the number. It rung twice before Izaya picked up, record time since he normally picked up (y/n)'s calls after five rings, or he'd just ignore the call altogether. **"You finally called."** Izaya responded, his voice dripping with amusement as the sound of a keyboard clicking away was heard in the background. _'Of course he'd be too busy working without a single care in the world.'_ (Y/n) thought to himself bitterly, before heaving a soft sigh to himself. _**"Where has my little human lover been? I've been bored for the past few months, and I wouldn't mind playing with you again."**_ The way Izaya had said that with a happy tone only hurt the young teen more. He was only a toy to he info broker, a sort of entertainment that can be used whenever the raven haired male pleased. "Izaya..." (Y/n) mumbled sadly, as he leaned back against his hotel room's soft bed. "I'm breaking up with you..." The clicking on the other end of the line halted, as Izaya seemed to have frozen on the spot. Minutes passed by with nothing but silence, as (y/n) waited or Izaya to respond patiently, his arm covering his eyes as he held the phone tightly to his ear. The hotel room was nice, it wasn't too expensive but it was still better than a motel, at least the bed smelled sweet like lavender flowers. As another few minutes passed by, Izaya finally heaved a sigh, before speaking once more. His words were expected, since (y/n) spent so much time with him, he could write a book on the info broker. **"Pity."** Izaya mumbled in a monotone voice, before mutter the last words with malice. **"You were fun while it lasted."** Without another word, the other line was cut off as that familiar beeping noise was heard. Closing his cellphone shut, (y/n) gripped it tightly as he took in a couple of deep breaths. The sky had darkened, as the cars that went by filled the room with sound, making it seem less lonely than he felt. With another sigh, (y/n) let out a small laugh, as a smile graced his lips. It was over, no more pain, and no more holding Izaya back from being with the one he truly wanted to be with. "He can finally be happy with Shizuo, and that only makes me happy."

After his vacation was done, (y/n) returned home to Ikebukuro after being away from the exciting city for seven months. He had caught up with all of his homework that his parents had sent him, and he could finally return to his old life, before he had started 'dating' Izaya. His friends, whom had heard of his arrival back home, had swarmed him and began to question his whereabouts. They wanted to know what had happened to him, and why he had suddenly disappeared. They had been worried that someone had kidnapped him, or that maybe Shizuo had hit him with a vending machine by accident, or worse, Izaya had gotten his hands on him. Not having the heart to tell them the reason behind his sudden leave of absence, he simply told them the same lie he had told his parents, inwardly apologizing to them for the lie and hoping that he wouldn't have to do it again.

Currently, he was with all of his friends, including Namie, eating Russian sushi on the house, compliments of Simon. "You know something?" Shinra began, chewing his sushi and swallowing it before continuing. "Izaya's been chasing after Shizuo more now, it's been seven months and he's been after Shizuo without mercy." Namie's head snapped up from her plate, staring at Shinra with wide eyes before turning to send (y/n) a worried look. Unfazed by what Shinra had said, the young teen ate his sushi in peace, wanting nothing more than to relax and catch up on things and events he had missed during his leave. As he was about to take a bite of his meal, he felt eyes burning holes into his head, causing him to turn his head to face Namie. She sent him a worried expression, glancing at Shinra before turning to stare back at him, as though asking him if he were okay with Izaya chasing after Shizuo. Understanding the unasked question, (y/n) sent Namie a smile, before nodding. "I'm fine Namie San, thank you for worrying about me." Even though he believed it was stupid for her to think that he'd be worried over something like that, he was still grateful to the woman for her worries. Hearing this, Kida turned away from Mikado and sent (y/n) a questioning look. "You're not jealous of Shizuo are you? Is that why you left?" He asked, his face was practically screaming for answers. (Y/n) let out a soft chuckle, before turning back to his sushi. "No, I'm not jealous Kida Kun. She was just asking if I was okay with the break up."

"The break up? You were in a relationship? With who?" Shinra asked with curiosity, grunting as Celty smacked him in the back of the head for asking too many stupid questions. Not really caring if they knew or not, (y/n) simply ate his meal and answered them casually. "My break up with Izaya seven months ago."

This sudden news caused everyone to spit out their meals in shock, a few coughing and others staring at him as though he had just admitted to committing the biggest crime of the century. They all knew he was in love with Izaya, but no one actually expected the two to date. They were each equally overprotective of him, Celty, Kida, Kyohei, Namie and Simon more so than the others. Kida slammed his palms onto the table and growled, ignoring the way he had frightened some of their friends and a few of the customers, leaning in to send (y/n) an angry expression. "What happened? He didn't soil you, did he? DID HE VIOLATE YOU?!" Before the young, (h/c) haired teen could respond, a phone was shoved in his face, causing him to squeak in slight shock before blinking and reading the message that was written for him.

 **"He didn't lay a hand on you did he? He hasn't tried anything funny right? TELL ME YOU ARE ALRIGHT YOU INNOCENT LITTLE ANGEL!"**

Without a second to lose, everyone, aside from Namie, began to question him. The young teen couldn't help but let out a light laugh, his damaged heart slowly beginning to repair itself at the realization that he was loved, loved dearly by all of his friends who wanted nothing more than his safety and happiness. Everyone quieted themselves down, waiting for a response as (y/n) turned to them all with a bright smile. "I'm fine, I was the one who broke up with him. I just wanted him to date Shizuo, since he's so obsessed with him." Everyone was weary of his answer and wanted to know more with much more detail, but decided to stay quiet and go back to eating their meals. Now was not the time to bring up something sad and negative, now was the time to be happy and laugh, to smile and have a good time with all of their friends. As everyone chatted among themselves, (y/n) went back to his meal , enjoying the familiar taste of Simon's sushi that he had missed since he left Ikebukuro. Mikado couldn't help but frown, he wanted to so desperately ask (y/n) for the full story, but he didn't want the teen to relive the break up if it was a bad one. "How do you deal with so much and smile like that?" He mumbled to himself, blushing in embarrassment as (y/n) giggled at him. He only just realized that he had just thought out loud. Calming his giggles down, the young teen turned to gaze deeply into Mikado's eyes and smile at him softly, causing the raven haired male to blush at how pretty (y/n) seemed to look at that moment.

"I just smile, because I'm grateful for the experience."

 ** _"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."_** **\- Dr. Seuss**


End file.
